6. Andrei Arlovski
|Sex Panther of the Face.|
5. Kimbo Slice
|Old Dutch. And he's not even Dutch.|
4. Dan Severn/Don Frye
|Voltron and Megazord.|
The mustaches that these two former MMA fighters possess are probably two of the most epic examples of keratin and protein to grace the area between the upper lip and nose of a man in all of history and the fact that they trained together makes it doubly so. If the lip brows of these two combined into one singular mustache, it would be like Vultron and the Megazord combining to form the most powerful facial hair in the universe. To make things even more epic, Don Frye fought Godzilla in the 2004 movie Godzilla: Final Wars. Vultron and Megazord, indeed.
3. Brock Lesnar
|Brock's Viking War Beard.|
Despite all appearances, however, Brock did not have the same defense percentage or hit points as a viking as he lost his title to Cain Velasquez via a lot of punches. He received a nice new facial scar (which is pretty epic in itself, but that's a separate list all together) and in the process performed some of the most recognized acrobatics to ever occur in the Octagon. He did some sort of backpedaling spinning cartwheel maneuver as he was trying to regain contact with reality after being punched by a giant Mexican. There's a million and a half gifs online of it. Look it up. Google it. It's hilarious.
2. Evan Tanner
On September 3, 2008 Evan rode into the desert region west of Palo Verde, California to go camping. Sadly, he would not ride out. Per wikipedia:
"Some people expressed concern about Tanner's well being going into the desert alone. Tanner responded to concerns about his plans for a desert adventure in a post on August 27, 2008.
'It seems some MMA (Mixed Martial Arts) websites have reported on the story, posting up that I might die out in the desert, or that it might be my greatest opponent yet, etc. Come on, guys. It's really common down in Southern California to go out to the off-road recreation areas in the desert about an hour away from LA and San Diego. So my plan is to go out to the desert, do some camping, ride the motorcycle, and shoot some guns. Sounds like a lot of fun to me. A lot of people do it. This isn't a version of 'Into the Wild.''
Tanner had recently purchased a dirt bike, and on September 3, 2008 he rode into the desert region west of Palo Verde, California to go camping. According to Tanner's manager John Hayner, Tanner called that afternoon to say that his bike had run out of gas, and that he would accordingly walk back to his camp. Temperatures that day reached 118 °F (48 °C), and friends became concerned and reported Tanner missing after he failed to contact them. His body was discovered by a Marine helicopter on September 8, 2008.
The Imperial County coroner determined Tanner's time of death to be sometime between late September 4 and early September 5, but the legal date of death was recorded as September 8, 2008. Tanner's body was found near Clapp Spring with empty water bottles. Tanner had reportedly intended to refill his bottles at the spring before heading back to the provisions at his campsite, but the spring was unexpectedly dry, and Tanner text messaged a friend informing him of this. However, Evan felt he could make it back to camp if he traveled during the later hours of the evening, refusing offers at that time to send help. Friends were told that if they had not heard from Evan by the next morning and could not reach him by 8am, they then needed to contact Search and Rescue.
Rescuers found Evan at a spot where he stopped to rest. During that rest, he succumbed to the excessive heat, slipping over onto his side into the position that rescuers found him in. An empty water pouch was nearby. According to the military article that was posted, Evan's motorcycle was at his camp, and within his provisions were ample supplies of water. The Imperial County sheriff's office official cause of death was cited as heat exposure".
I'm an outdoors man and an avid survivalist and, in this situation, you accept the help. If you don't have the water (which you should have in MORE than ample supply if you are heading into the desert) and your only water source has dried up, take the help. It's sad because he would still be here today if he had. Let that be a lesson. The world lost a great fighter. And truly one of the most epic beards to ever grace the Octagon.1. Epic Beard Man
|He sure as fuck will. Call the Amba Lamps.|
And I say him and his beard because the beard completely fucking deserves credit. It was what made this ass whooping all the more spectacular. Had he not had his beard and done the same thing, he would simply be referred to "The Old Guy who beat that black guy up on the bus". Anyway, if he were to rematch "Michael", I predict the same results. Ass whippin' by an epic beard.